he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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