i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
