Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
