he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
