It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
