did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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