I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
