Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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