wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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