my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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