Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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