you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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