grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
sex in a hospital.. check
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize