Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize