U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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