So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
