I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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