Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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