your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
