I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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