Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
