O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
