Got a toothbrush?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
