Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
