I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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