what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
