What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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