Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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