My liver just broke up with me...
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Randomize
