Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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