In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize