this boner is exhausting
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
