There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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