first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
