I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Panties = found
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
