Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
