I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
