I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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