Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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