i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
