I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize