If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Randomize
