So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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