I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
