Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
