They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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