So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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