I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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