Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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