i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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