How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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