I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
