Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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