operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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