Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
