awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
