I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
