Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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