I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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