saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
