question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
