Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
