i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
