Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
