i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
