theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
