I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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