you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
