She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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