Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
