I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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