party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
