It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
