You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
