I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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