Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
pray to the hookup gods
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
