I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's rum buckets o'clock
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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