Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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