it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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