Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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