Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just found puke in my bra..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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