Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
