My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
