from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's blow job season.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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