i think i have two assholes
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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