Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
