shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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