i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
