Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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