Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
