Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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