Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
