Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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