based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
