I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
